you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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