i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
