So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
