she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
