i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
