You're my little dorito
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
