Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
