Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
