since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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