got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
