I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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