He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
