Will you blow on my dice?
Please, let me fuck your mom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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