He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
