Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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