he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
