Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
