he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
