There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
