Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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