I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
