is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
