Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
