i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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