I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
