I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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