i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
