I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
