I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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