The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
