his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
