Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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