we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
