Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
