All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
