so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
