I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
