It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
