We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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