The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
