you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
