I need help removing her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
