when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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