roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
