what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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