Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
