You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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