He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
