could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
