Sry I called you an 8
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
